Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
