How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
