I think my fart just growled at me.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize