Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
