Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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