I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
