He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm bleeding and have questions
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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