ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
