every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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