What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
