I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
