I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
