chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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