well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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