I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
