I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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