im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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