i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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