I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
