I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
