If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
