I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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