Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
