I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
id be glad to
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
