Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And then my night got REAL pukey
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
