last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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