do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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