Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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