Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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