How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
soo... how was my night?
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