I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
