this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
