she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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