There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
