I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
