Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
