dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
