Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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