nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
