Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
