i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
