i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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