you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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