you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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