maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
