I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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