I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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