In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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