Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
