the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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