elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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