We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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