Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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