Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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