We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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