I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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