Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
