they need to just BURY HIM!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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