just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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