Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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