you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
