STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
