So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
