i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
