Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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