how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
