we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
