genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
