when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
