explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
