I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
