but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He better not be in your backpack
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
