Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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