it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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